Every parent knows how much your heart hurts to see your child sad or scared or in pain. You want to take it away and make their life happy again, just trade places with them and reassure them that everything is going to be okay. 3 1/2 years ago when Hannah was born with cleft palate, I got thrown into a medical whirlwind I was never expecting. Yes, cleft palate is fixable and not a death sentence and my heart breaks for any parent who deals with far worse, but Hannah is my baby and her journey has so greatly impacted me that sometimes I just feel the need to express my thoughts. From the moment she was diagnosed, we were rushed to the NICU followed by a very long and detailed appointment in San Francisco including but not limited to a mental health status check of myself that made me feel like Hannah was way more severe than she ever was (trust me, as Nana, she will confirm). This was followed by countless doctors appointments by every specialist you can imagine. I was told everything from she might not speak, she may be cognitively impaired, her heart may be bad, she might be missing teeth, and she may have social struggles. I was told by a plastic surgeon in San Jose that he knows many mothers who chose to abort babies due to cleft palate. Sucks for them, they missed out on an amazing kid like Hannah. Emotionally for me it has been difficult, but through everything Hannah does she is a model of bravery, beauty and grace. Today was no different. Hannah had ear tubes put in for the second time. I had to wake her up at 415 and she woke up with a smile on her face. Hannah does not understand everything, but she is able to say that she was born with a hole in her mouth. As we sat waiting for my mom to arrive to watch Jack, she said "after today I won't say "what you said?" anymore. She enjoyed wearing her Frozen jammies and bringing her frozen blanket. Monkey of course came because he has been with her at all her appointments. She enjoyed the fish tank in the waiting room too. The hardest part of the morning was pre op because her anxiety level rose fast. She was very afraid and kept saying she didn't want to do it. I can so clearly remember Tim saying the exact statement as we walked into Cedars Sinai for his surgery. The surgery is actually very quick and easy. It's the same Doctor who did the tubes at 7 months. Even though it's an easy procedure I hate watching the nurses wheel her away. Makes me so sad every time. About 10 minutes later Tim and I got to go back while she woke up. She woke up very quietly and just appeared very tired. The nurses were so wonderful the whole morning help calm her with coloring pages and frozen stickers, they even did each step on Monkey that they did on Hannah like checking blood pressure, listening to heart, even the gas mask. I hope this is the last time I have to see my baby in a hospital bed until she is sitting in one having a baby of her own. I don't care if you're there for a major surgery, a bad flu, a minor surgery or a broken leg, nothing hurts more then seeing your own heart scared. Hannah, my girl, you have made me braver, stronger and more faithful since the moment you were born and I love you "Just the Way you Are."
On a totally different note since I haven't updated in awhile, Jack's new thing is "What does the dog say?" So cute if you ask him or anytime he sees a dog in print or in real life he says "Oof Oof" So cute I love it. He also knows how to 'play catch' aka roll a ball back and forth with you. Last week we went up to Pop's house in Big Bear which is always fun. We went to the zoo, mini golf, ate good meals, played at the park, and enjoyed time together.
A favorite activity of Jack's. Pulling out the cereal and dumping in all over the floor.
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